Hi my sweet Asako, how easily we forget how far we've come. How easy it's to look ahead to see only a large, seemingly insurmountable distance instead of looking back to recognize each step, no matter how small, brought us to where we are today. And mind you, where we are today is pretty great. Our strength is not in not having negative thoughts about each other. Our strength is in the ability to not choose to take negative actions from those thoughts. As I write to you, my hands feel very heavy typing this and I know it's going to take me longer than it naturally would in composing this email. I know you've wondered why I'm always up so late night, unable to fall asleep and why I rather choose to sent you messages telling you how cherished you are and how endeared you are to my passionate heart. I can not fall asleep as my brain refuses to stop wandering and calculating the "what if's". My return trip ought to be for today but I can't seem to make it because I haven't been able to raise the counterpart fund despite all my tries; believe me, I've put in a lot of effort. My heart has been heavy and tears rolled down my face as I had looked forward to being with you tomorrow, having you tucked safely in my arm, finally enjoying your sweet lips and making love to you like its the last thing my life depends on. I have built so much anticipation that it kills me being here. My body and soul just feels fatigued, I think I'm going into depression, so many new emotions flowing through me, most of which I have never experienced before, neither do I like them. I feel sore all over. I haven't had decent rest for the last couple of days. My head is spinning, trying to calculate, search for a solution and nothing seems to come up. I get serious migraine coupled with my swollen finger. I take aspirin to just to relieve the pain. It feels like I'm going in cycles. I just had to fill my thought with you; my only positive energy.
I have been pondering on how things seem to have gone wrong and how it is becoming seemingly impossible to get a fix. Finally, I got a call from pumpkin (Molly). I guess it out of worry more than anything else. She asked if in recent times, I have asked for assistance from anyone and I responded with a "No". If I consider how I have fared in my life and career; somehow, I see why I have never needed help from anyone; rather than ask, I'd pay to get a job done. I'm very enthusiastic and never really experienced "Failure"; oh yes, I've had setbacks but never failure like in this sense. I'm always positive that every challenge has its own solution. The beauty is, I turn to see the solution once I clear my head. I feel that it is possible to do anything or there isn't an insurmountable challenge. I have been thankful in my career because I get an idea and it works, I see a problem and most times a solution. I haven't had a reason to require assistance or help from anyone. I think I also dreaded asking for help. I don't want to be in a position to one another a favor. I have been in that spot where you owe someone a favor and they dangle it like a carrot before you. Fate has always placed me in a position to give rather than ask; in a position to being a solution rather than a problem; that's why this project is weighing me down. I have never been in a position where I seem to be failing and without a solution in sight. I've had setbacks but at some point, I can always see a way to navigate through the murky waters, towards the light at the other side of the tunnel.
I have been having a hard think about a suggestion which I don't feel is right. Molly proposed it but I found it to be quite difficult to swallow. I have had to think hard and long about the "not too pleasant" suggestion from Molly. She accuses me of being proud because, I couldn't bring my self to considering it but at this junction, I have to. Everyone, including myself, has an opinion and like most opinions are sat upon and hardly ever shared for fear of negative responses or that one will no longer be liked. We are like needy children, hoping that someone notices what we have to say as if our life depended upon that attention. Sometimes its this fear that we can't see is what's holding us back because our ideas for ourselves are too firmly rooted in past expectations. What I'm doing next is taking a leap of faith because I believe I would expect you to do the same.
What I going to say next isn't what I have ever imagined myself doing. I feel hesitant suggesting this because I am totally ashamed and conscience-stricken. I wouldn't want you to take my next statement the wrong way. Is there a chance you can lend me the sum $7,000? I know this might be a big deal for you and I humbly ask that you positively consider it. It is not easy for me to think about these words and its even more difficult imagining you reading them at this moment. My heart is racing just imagining your reaction at this time. I know you have repeatedly said, money isn't everything but if you like, I can repay you with an interest as soon as the first milestone is completed and payment for that phase comes in. I'm willing to give you the same interest the private lender is demanding and the repayment of the soft loan shouldn't be more than 20 working days for completion and payment processing. If it gives you the comfort that you desire, I can stay back here and ensure the first milestone is completed and you get your money. I feel ashamed but I have to ask you because there is nowhere else to turn to as at now. Its also time bound as the private lender says he can only keep the part funding deal for a week long. I want to come home to you and I need your help.
I'm sorry that you might feel totally disappointed in me but I had to ask beside, we promised to share our thoughts, pain, frustrations, pleasure, happiness,..with each other; not only happy moments. Please don't take it the wrong way. I truly wish that our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising together any time we fall.
Would love to read from you again sweets.
Your lover and partner,
PS: I'm told that Terry was been extort by Kim and some other regulatory bodies that's why he choose to resign. However, this doesn't account for the shabby work done.
Hi, my sweet Asako, good evening and I'm so happy to read from you. The last two days have been like a roller coaster of emotions from me. From the last time I wrote to you, up until this point, I have been happy, anxious, gleeful, optimistic, doleful, depressed, heavy-hearted,... I can go on and on with all the emotions. Within the last 36 hours, I have two sets of news (bad and good). I'll start with the bad and I'd tell you the good later and perhaps, hope the good overshadows the bad.
Kim the government PM, sent a second memo to the project owner and recommended that the project be immediately revoked and re-awarded to a new contractor. He even went ahead to recommend a Korean company as a replacement. So, last evening I got a letter of displeasure and I can also equate it to a final warning letter. In the last couple of days, I have had to ask more from the 50 man strong laborers. Some have been up to the task while others have lagged far behind. In all, the project is moving at a snail pace when I ought to be running like a cheetah and it is costing me so much.
As for the good news, the bank said they can't finance custom duty payment/the crane lease because we are less than 6-months old in the country/don't have collateral, neither are we Iranians. On the flip side, the private lender gave us a commitment to lend to us a portion of what we need. The challenge we had was collateral but since I don't have it, his preference is to go the counterpart funding route to ensure his money goes directly to Zavir Torghe Engineering Services. I explained my present predicament concerning my shipment and the port authorities with him but he still insists that he can only deal that way. His words "You American's are very naive. This is how our country works. Give and take". He also said more so with the escalating tension with the west, foreigners like yourself and their business/business interest can be used as a fair game. What this means is I have to come up with my own portion of $7,000 while he makes available the balance of $5,000. We also agreed that we will be paying a flat interest rate of 20% per month once I receive funding. The interest rate is quite exorbitant but I feel it takes care of my pressing challenge; revocation of the contract. As long as the government begins to see appreciable movement, then we'll be safe. Zavir Torghe Engineering Services called to check if they will be getting balance tomorrow as I promised they would. I hate to fail on a promise. Alli also got an email informing him that the shipment would start incurring demurrage from Wednesday next week. It hasn't been one of the best news or day for me.
The second "good news" is Mr. Fara (the lawyer) was able to negotiate the import tax. He says the man Alli and I met agreed to yank off $16,730 which brings the tax to $90,000. It's still too high for me to manage at this time, the best bet is for me to source for the $7,000 counterpart fund and secures the crane from Zavir Torghe Engineering Services. That's the only way to save this contract. Having to do a lease is a lot cheaper at this time and would add more value to my work in the immediate term than giving in to the demands of the officials.
Yesterday night, I heard a couple of gunshots going off just in the distance. From the sound of it, I think it was a G3 assault rifle. There are a series of stories about the constant gunshot on Sunday. Some say it was a robbery, others say it was kidnapping. Alli got me this (the picture) since security couldn't be arranged. I've it strapped to my thigh. It's just precautionary, you don't have to worry or bother your pretty head. Questions have been going through my mind though- How did I get myself into this mess? This wasn't the plan all along. Did I make a wrong call with Terry and this job? How do I get myself out? What do I have to do?... So many questions going through my mind at this time without an answer. This experience of not having a solution is very new to me. It just feels like I'm on one side of a river bank; I can see the other side but can't seem to figure out a way to get there. This seems to be the first time I would be in this sort of position. I'm not religious but I wish something extraordinary would just happen. I really don't know what to think any longer.
I have to go now. I know this doesn't concern you. I am sorry you have to read all this. I mentioned I am very emotional. Anyways, I apologize for having to spoil your day and perhaps your mood with "rambling" about everything. I had to step out to write you this email since I can't tell if I will be closing early nor find the time to write to you today.
Blowing sweet kisses upon your neck. And please, always stand by me as I will you.
I need your love and support through this, okay?
Sincerely & Lovingly,
PS: Is it okay if I give Mr. Fara your contact details? He needs to fill out a portion of the registration document for someone to contact should there be any problem here. I told him I have to seek your consent before I can.
Hey sweets Asako,
It's always a pleasure for me to pick up my pen (figuratively) to write to you. Most times, when I write, I write as though I was talking with you. The mental picture I have of you is a listener. You sit opposite me and listen to me talk about any and every; occasionally gently shaking your head to indicate your agreement or understanding. I suppose I have the best ever woman any man can dream of. A woman with the heart of gold, tender heart, good listener, patient, caring, calm, good communicator, pretty, .... I can go on and on to describe all that turns me on about you. You have consistently encouraged and supported me with your words and I'm so indebted to you. I need you to believe I want to be back home and with you like now. If everything had worked out as I planned, I would have been on my way back to you tomorrow. I know it's not easy for you being there alone and missing the one you care so much about. I know how that feels because I'm here, crazily in love with a wonderful woman on the other side of the screen whom I long to hold in my arm, kiss, and love like never before. I bet she's reading this and smiling now.
In some of my previous emails to you, I asked for your opinion, which you have freely given to me. Understand that I don't take them lightly in any way. I have used a couple of them to make some decisions as well. Your advice has been invaluable and I'm deeply grateful. You have been the best "sounding board" ever. What can I say but express my profound gratitude for taking out time to think it through; then put your suggestion on paper. One thing you have shown so much concern for is my finger, so I was going to see a doctor but then thought I should call to see if my health plan covers this. Unfortunately, it doesn't. Healthcare is outrageously expensive here. I don't know if it has more to do with financial sanctions or leadership. I think I'll take a pain killer and manage till I return, then I can see a doctor I'm comfortable with.
I know I have been a little distant lately and you can guess why. The pressure hasn't changed much. Alli and I met with the senior officer at the port, guess what honey? He referred us back to the staff asking for the bribe. It's obvious its a syndicate and the work hand-in-hand. That meeting ended in a deadlock. As for the meeting with the management of Zavir Torghe Engineering Services for the lease of their cranes, it was quite good. We were able to renegotiate the pricing downward from $3,500 to $3,250. Its the cost for a crane for a day and luckily, we were able to include the operator's daily allowance in this new amount. The new pricing is fair and I suppose we struck a fair deal. I was able to do a down payment of $40,000 as against $58,000 which should represent 80% (initial deposit) of $65,000 (total lease cost for 10 days). I gave them my assurances that the balance would be sent to them by Friday although I still have a little chance sourcing the $12,000. The operator and equipment would only be released after the initial deposit has been made plus we also have to sign the lease agreement with their legal department. Unfortunately, I don't have much in my personal account online and can't even access it from here. I suppose our banks are taking preemptive steps with the deteriorating situation between Iran and the West. My credit card has been canceled after I reported it missing with my luggage. I called customer service and they say, access to the account has been blocked and I would have to visit any branch in person to get the restriction lifted. The $40,000 was the balance with Terry used to run the overhead and site. Alli has suggested we meet with the bank manager and a private money lender to see if they can raise the balance to cover the first part for the lease for the crane. I reckon that if we can finish the first milestone in 14 days, Alli can put in our invoice for payment of the first tranche for work done. I can also use the first milestone payment to offset the import tax as well as pay a portion of the business loan that would be due at that time. Suffice to mention that I was able to negotiate with the Managing Director of Zavir Torghe to buy over our equipment once our job is completed.
I meet with a nice gentleman two days back, he's a lawyer. He was introduced to me by Alli. After a consultation, I/Aspiration Eco will enter into a retainer with his law firm since I wouldn't be on the ground to manage the project. After their prayers, I'm met with him (Mr. A Farahmand) to sign a retainer. I also mentioned my challenge with the authorities at the port cargo terminal. His opinion is that Iran as a country has very high corruption tolerance. You give bribe to get things done. He says the younger generation is unhappy about it and blame the Supreme leader (Ayatollah Khomeini) of the country for the prevailing corruption and challenges bedeviling their country.
Farahmand advised that I allow him to negotiate with the government officials at the port if I don't feel comfortable with giving in to their demands. I requested for time to think about it and revert. I feel like I'm in between the devil and the deep blue sea. My conscience would never support graft but then my work is suffering because of my belief. By the way, Farahmand says, there is nobody I can make a report to concerning my situation with the shipment as their bosses are in on it, support them wholeheartedly. Sweets, if you were in my shoes what would you do? Here are the consideration: you have a conscience that's saying this isn't the right thing to do, on the other hand, you've taken a business loan to finance the job, you liquidated your child's trust to finance the contract, you are losing more money daily because of the delay and/or incurring additional cost daily for the temporary staff you have working that isn't achieving much. I would really like to hear from you and get your take on this. I trust you don't mind me using you as a soundboard once again?
So, how has your week been in generally? By the way, I know how lonely it becomes when you have someone so dear, far away. It almost feels like you are going crazy. I also feel that way because I'm crazily in love with you. I want to be back home and have you in my warm embrace. I hope you know I love you very much. Please don't ever forget that. I truly do love you.
The man who loves you with all of him
PS: I still haven't heard anything from Pumpkin and she's not answering my calls or responding to my text.
All through Sunday, I had shrimps salad for lunch. I literally had to force it down my through as I haven't any decent meal since Saturday evening. I understand that this piece of info would get you all worked up about my health and well-being. This evening, I had crackers and coffee. For the first time in years, I added sweetener and cream to my coffee which I otherwise like black. It felt so refreshing as though I was having it for the first time. My point here is sometimes, it takes abstinence or lack of a thing to truly admire the beauty in it.
I'm going to open up to you today and I'm going to do that totally. I would start by giving a picture as to why I am doing this. I'm an art lover. In August 1984, I attend an art gallery opening and one of the pieces featured in the opening was by a local. The artist was a woman who seems to be good in contemporary painting. She was pretty, a talker, well shaped, lovely smile and very friendly. We got talking and as things progressed, we went on dates before she moved in with me. We lived together for 6 years before we got married. We traveled together, did most things together every time I was around. At that time I was an engineer with the Royal Navy and went on a few tours. We had my pumpkin (Molly) in 2002 after I left services and open my own business. In 2005, she got reconnected with her mentor and had to travel together on an art tour. One began two, three, .... Late 2005, I noticed they began to spend more time together than necessary and when I asked she becomes a confrontation, suffice to say that I don't quickly say what on my mind. I study, analyze a situation before acting. It moved from her traveling to see other artist or for work to her disappearing for a couple of days without communication even to check up on our daughter. When she reappears, she looks different, insensitive, distracted, pale, lies abound, needs more money, ... I later discovered she was into heroin and was dating the so-called mentor. He actually introduced her to the addiction and perhaps, my absence on my military tour didn't help. I tried to convince her to seek help but she would bulge. Her disappearance became a million times worse and our daughter was left to suffer. It hurt me to take the next option of divorce to save my daughter and myself; our finances where at the lowest point, my heart was broken because she would accept help. In 2007 we got divorced and in 2009 she was found dead with a syringe stuck in her arm. You can imagine what that did to me. The worse part of it was how to explain it to Molly when she becomes older.
Once again, I am in love and with you. I have chosen not to hold on to the past because I know the future is better and with you in it. I want you to understand that I have chosen my words carefully since we first started talking. So, I wouldn't want you to take my words lightly. For the last 11-years, there has been this void in my heart, I tried to fill it with anger, resentment, and self-pity; it didn't work. I have tried burying my head in work; it hasn't worked. I have used Molly and the result was the same. What seems to be working is you and the hope of a future with you. I have decided in my heart to retire and perhaps put up the business for sale in Jan 2020. I want to be able to spend more time with you and not make the old mistake again, now that I have found the love of my life.
I'm not said the void has been filled but the pain, heartbreak, resentment, anger, hurt are in the past because of you and I love you for it. You came into my life and healed my broken heart. I mentioned once that "You make a seemingly bad situation look good" and I truly meant it. I promise, I would never, ever make you cry out of pain, anger, heartbreak but out of joy or the realization that you've met a man who loves you inside-out. I'm writing this with tears in my eyes. It's flowing for joy, happiness and with a sense of genuine gratitude to you and your love.
I would love to write more but I must begin packing my bags now as I prepare for my early morning fly to Iran. All I need to do is get the project on right footing and support Alli as the new PM so as to get his footing. It shouldn't take me more than a week to achieve this. Anyways, here is a final word for you: My love for you is unconditional.
Always, truly and forever
Douglas Adam Sternberg
Hi, sweet Asako,
Good evening, how is your weekend going? Do you know I can't take my mind off you? I woke up this morning feeling privileged because my heart is wrapped around your fingers and you hold it gently but securely. I am completely satisfied with how safe it is with you. Gratitude is all I have for you since you came into my life.
This morning, I thought hard about you and guessed what came to my mind? It's something I have not done in a long time. Lol, it's not sex. You are a naughty girl Dalila. I thought about making breakfast in bed, just for you. My idea of breakfast in bed just for a queen like you is scrambled eggs with bacon, grits, turkey sausage, and pancakes. Served with warm coffee and freshly squeezed orange juice in ice. This is a breakfast for a queen, right? I hope you will not tire when we finally live together. I've left out dessert because I'm the dessert.
I had to stop working to write you this e-mail, mainly because I'm thinking of you and my blood is now superheated. I looked at pictures I have of you and imagine exploring your sexy body. I imagine teasing you in various ways, sliding the fingertips of my fingernails gently over your back and massaging your shoulders, arm, and buttocks. My naughty side wants to get an impression of you by gently kissing your head, your eyes, your cheek, your neck under your hair and tasting your mouth. I want to suck on your earlobes and bite gently on your nipples, gently squeeze your breast with both hands while sucking on your nipples and playing with your inner thigh. I would like to see you close your eyes and move with each touch, every kiss I make. I like to hear the gentle words that come out of your mouth, that have no meaning and yet have all the meanings when I go into you with my hard steel. Oh, you are warm, juicy and sweet. I slowly go in and out and press your head against my chest. I can feel your passion and you can feel how I have become powerless by the beating of my heart. Oh boy, you're cute and it feels so good.
If I have to continue with my imagination, I may not work today. Sweets, you are my life. Always remember. And I love you very much.
Thank you for coming into my life and changing it.
Love you plentifully
Hi Asako, how are you doing and how was your weekend? Thanks for your patience and for writing back. By the way, I wasn't sure you would respond to my list of questions in my earlier email. I can't say why I had that impression. Anyways, I am impressed and grateful. It shows you want to know me and me, you.
Reading through your delightful text here and on the site, I thought to myself to share some more with you about myself. What I would say here is mostly about me, my family, hobbies and plans for the future, etc, its like giving you a better understanding of who I am. It may include somethings I have mentioned in the past or on my profile. I'm an advocate for "proper and consistent communication" in a relationship; this is the essence of this email as communication must be deliberate and conscious. By the way, its going to be a lengthy email but fun to read(I tried not to make it boring for you- lol).
Well, my first name is Adam (it was my grandfather's name as well) but most people call me Douglas/Doug which is also my preference. I live in Guildford, England and moved from Birmingham. I have a mixed heritage with my dad being a Germany and mom, English. I lived all my teenage year in and around England as I was born in Birmingham. I'm an engineer with specialty in electrical Engineering. Presently, I run a clean/sustainable energy consultancy business and our focus is using sustainable energy to drive productivity and efficiency in mining, real estate and agriculture. The name of my company is Aspiration Eco Energy Consulting. Here is our website and you can also view my LinkedIn profile from there (http://aspiration-eco.com/management.html). I'm presently in Beijing on a renewable energy consulting contract.
I'm Catholic born and raised but not a religious person in this moment, although my parents were. Both parent are deceased with my dad being the last to depart this world about 8-year last April. I am the only child of my parents per say (my dad had a son before he met my mom). He's 10-years older and we don't see for reasons best known to him alone.
I have a 17 year old daughter. I call her Pumpkin, her name is Molly and she means the world to me. She's nice, caring and compassionate. She love horse-backing riding. We turn to do it every now and then. She is all I have, in a manner of speaking. We have a dog and 4 parakeet. Our dog is a rescue and we call him Neo. We found him in a box my the road side. We have two horses called Misty and Coco and our parakeet are named: Pipi, Kiki, Cici, Mimi. Our pet were mostly named by Molly; that accounts for why their names sound so lovely. I have been married only once in my lifetime. We were married for 17 years but lived together for 22. I have been divorced for 11 years. She's deceased now though.
I go jogging most mornings and play tennis or Squash on Saturdays. I also like cycling mostly on Sundays. I have love for nature and enjoy hiking, trail walking or just collecting my thoughts in the woods. I go for art exhibitions, attend symphony, performing art when time permits. Writing this makes me miss night out with my partner. I enjoy traveling and I do that most times, thanks to my job.
My heart desire is to find a true and committed lover, someone who also desires to spend the rest of her life with one person, who has little or no drama and baggage, who is open-minded, honest and gentle, who is willing to enjoy the big and little things in life, who is willing to leave the past in the past and forge a future with me and I with her. I'm not a jealous person, I'm a partner who is willing and committed to having a working relationship by working to make it great and enjoyable for both of us. I'm a touchy feely man and never always get angry as I try to put myself in my partner's shoes. I want to be friends with her, to talk about anything and everything, nothing to hide, share the past and present stories, share our dreams and aspiration, seek and get counsel, laugh together, share meals, support each other, ... As it is said, happiness is doubled and sadness/pains get lessened when they are shared with a loved one. The couples whose relationship is a beauty to behold have good communication and keep no secrets. I find a few of these characteristics in you, that's why I am sharing this with you.
Well, I would have to end this here. Over to you and please share pictures of you. I have mine attached. By the way, I'm leaving eHarmony today. I called customer service to stop my subscription and delete my profile. I think I want you, that's why.
Bye for now Asako.
Created: 2019-06-02 Last updated: 2019-06-02 Views: 85